When you want something too much.

[Derek]

I've been doing alot of thinking and reflecting. I do wonder do yall think it's possable to want something too much. That it seems to be that over the years that alot of people thought that i wanted a girlfriend who would eventualy become my wife...TOO MUCH. So much that everyone secretly thought that if i finaly did have it, i would be unreasonable or maybe even unpleasent for her.
In the Christian side they said "Focus on Jesus, be happy only with Him first" and the secular side says "you should find peace and happiness within yourself first"
It always seemed to me looking at the way society was that the bigger your desire for a lifemate, the more you are entitled to it, because it's a natural God-givin need. They always say "if you are not happy single, you won't be happy married", but experiance has shown me that behind EVERY succesful man or woman is a lifemate. I've also come to believe that when i see a bigshot who's made it in life, that if weren't for her/his significant other, she/he wouldn't be that succesful in life, would she/he. Thats what they always tell each other anyway, then when they finaly meet someone like me, they flat out deny it. So everyone that tells me that you have to be a "satisfied single", thier actions tell me a whole differant story. Sorry, i just have to get this out of my system.

[Kylenz]

Yeah, I've always felt that the most successful couples are the ones that can 'back eachother up' and thus get somewhere in life through being that rock of support for eachother.

Unfortunately for me, I learned too late that in order to attract that person in the first place, you have to be seen to 'back yourself up' first. You need to be seen as a strong individual. My self esteem has always been through the floor.. nobody wants to be a part of that! Man I wish I could live my life again knowing what I know now.

[2 of 3]

I wish I didn't know now, what I didn't know then.

- Bob Seger

[Derek]

I purposely avoided mentioning that those who are not strong in themselves or God, those are the ones that are believed to be potentialy abusive in thier romantic relationships. In fact, it's become a discrimative belief.
The reason i avoided that is because i'm just afraid what people might think of me for even mentioning it.

[mervap]

I can cite a number of successful single folks, but this one popped to mind:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Gates

IMHO, one should never define oneself through another person or thing...you will inevitably be dissappointed. Iwould quote Alan Alda, who was quoting Kirk Douglas: "If you're going to invest in something, invest in yourself...". I know, that sounds a trifle simple, but I have found that to be generally true. When I needed a career, I invested 5 years (and took a considerable pay cut) in electrical school and now have some life skills that have served me and my family well.

[Kylenz]

IMHO, one should never define oneself through another person or thing...you will inevitably be dissappointed. Iwould quote Alan Alda, who was quoting Kirk Douglas: "If you're going to invest in something, invest in yourself...". I know, that sounds a trifle simple, but I have found that to be generally true. When I needed a career, I invested 5 years (and took a considerable pay cut) in electrical school and now have some life skills that have served me and my family well.

Excellent post. That's the sort of thing I'm talking about - invest in yourself. Law of Atrraction, hopefully others would love to be a part of it when they see you've taken steps to secure yourself financially.

[lampie1970]

IMHO, one should never define oneself through another person or thing...you will inevitably be dissappointed. Iwould quote Alan Alda, who was quoting Kirk Douglas: "If you're going to invest in something, invest in yourself...". I know, that sounds a trifle simple, but I have found that to be generally true. When I needed a career, I invested 5 years (and took a considerable pay cut) in electrical school and now have some life skills that have served me and my family well.

Excellent post. That's the sort of thing I'm talking about - invest in yourself. Law of Atrraction, hopefully others would love to be a part of it when they see you've taken steps to secure yourself financially.

Hear!! Hear!! But, not to throw a wrench in, it is not just financial...A woman will live in a grass hut with a man she loves rather than a mansion with one she doesn't. I promise the emotional maturity and security and just plain happiness of oneself goes a lot farther than any national currency...

[chris]

the bigger your desire for a lifemate, the more you are entitled to it, because it's a natural God-givin need.

uh, no. unless you are a caveman.

self respect and self confidence are what you need to be well with yourself. you have to like who you are if you ever expect anyone to like you. and you absolutely do not need anyone to make you happy. you may be very happily married, but your happiness all starts from within. a miserable person will be miserable even if they are married to a supermodel who makes millions. you can't manufacture happiness.

and if someone is looking for a mate, start with someone you like, not love. at the end of the day you have to look at your spouse, like who they are, and feel comfortable saying anything to that person. physical attraction is nice, it's good. but most successful marriages are between two best friends.

[chris]

not to throw a wrench in, it is not just financial...A woman will live in a grass hut with a man she loves rather than a mansion with one she doesn't. I promise the emotional maturity and security and just plain happiness of oneself goes a lot farther than any national currency...

love this. i mean, i know it's true. but i am so glad to see it written. guys have their insecurities too. am i good enough? what can i do to be better? will she like me more if i can offer this house? you just comforted my soul, miss lampie

[lampie1970]

you just comforted my soul, miss lampie

I think that may be one of the greatest things anyone has ever said to me. I will carry it with me the rest of my life.