"Neediness"

[chris]

part of having relationships is dealing with the failure of them. think about it, how many people does someone date before they find someone to marry? and even then, half of all marraiges end in failure. life is filled with failed romances. and keep in mind, the actions of one girl can in no way be representative of all women. but...if you can learn something from each one, successful or not, you win.

i dated a girl when i was younger. still in high school, in fact. and man, i was head over heals in love. we dated, on-and-off, mostly on, for 5 years. and i just knew this was the girl i was going to marry. i was too young to say it, but i knew it just the same. all of a sudden i was 21. we had just broken up, again, when it occured to me by dissecting what she was saying to me, that she was only biding her time with me until she found the one for her. i was crushed. so i did what what i had to do. i cut off all contact. it was what i had to do to go on with my life.

not too long after it got better. started dating again. eventually got married had a family. when this former gal-pal contacted me (several years ago) via facebook, i was stunned she even remembered me. she apologized for the way things ended. i had forgotten. funny how selective memory allows you to recall the things you want to and buries those memories you'ld rather bury. i think she was just going thru a midlife crisis of some sort. making right some past wrongs. but there was a little more to it. she was still single, you see. and i was completely honest with her. i told her that what happened to me had to happen for me to become who i was. i told her it was all for the best. and that going thru that helped me find myself. it was...not...what she wanted to hear from me. but it was true. even in heartbreak you can learn. about others and, most importantly, about yourself.

don't ever stop learning, derek. life is like taking a class. a life class. and even in defeat and heartbreak you can learn how to deal with things. and the more experience you have, the easier it gets. so don't give up.     

[Derek]

I brought this topic up several years ago on another board. Alot of thier replies were anything BUT optimistic but it did make me think. here's some of the replies:

"You may feel the feelings of love, but I feel the feelings of love for a lot of things I cannot have because of whatever limitations I have in my life to pay for them. Living is not free. Having a relationship is, in a sense, a luxury. If you have no way to make an equitable contribution then you may have to forget the experience of that kind of relationship. As far as finding a proof text in the Bible, you can't always find an exact scripture to nail it for you. If you cannot care for yourself, even for a valid reason then you would certainly not have the emotional or physical resources to contribute to a relationship with someone else."
"Love is not enough for marriage. You also have to have wisdom. You can love someone dearly, passionately and unselfishly yet wisdom may tell you that someone is not the right one for marriage.
An individual may truly love another individual but if one wants children and the other wants none, love is not going to give them the same desire."
"Many people who would love to be married "have not found the right person". Lots of them are so attractive, that onlookers can only wonder what is wrong with all their contemporaries. Some of these are "called" to singleness but have not yet heard or accepted that call.
In many cases circumstances have conspired to produce a single. Caring for a family member, illness, and many other factors can make marriage difficult or impossible. (In this article I am not dealing with the singleness which comes after marriage - bereavement, separation and divorce raise a different set of questions.)
These kinds of "enforced" singleness can be saddening, even embittering. Yet God does, on occasion, use force to get his way. Have you never prayed "your will be done"? Perhaps it is?"

These were the ideas and advise i have to live with.

[chris]

you seem to like music. and it seems to be important to you. you may even find meaning in some of it. being an optimistic person by nature, i will share one of my faves.

http://youtu.be/Kl1rRxG251s

[Derek]

Here's an update: last night i saw her again, the woman i met at my church whom i took her to see "Super 8". Well, she said she had to sell her laptop, she and her mom fallen on hardtimes. Typical story with the Mexican locals here. But she just forgot to give me her cellphone number. the pastor's wife will give her mom's cellphone number on my Facebook (the pastor and his family are on my Facebook).
I typed a little note for her translated from english to spanish using the Google Translator. I asked her out on a date alone, one on one. After a long wait to see her again, i finaly gave it to her last night. Now i wait for the "Solomente Amigo" talk, and not get crushed, and thats it. Easy, right?
I got the Lizard King on "stand-by" in case things don't work out.
Which leaves only one question: Can you petition The Lord with prayer?