maybe it's just karma

[chris]

i'm going to tell you something personal about myself. there are a few things i find attractive in women. there are always exceptions, sure...but for the most part, if you have only one of these assets, i am watching. more than one, and i am proposing...or if that doesn't work out so well...stalking.

i realize this will make me look shallow, but when i was younger (early 20's), i broke up with a girl when she wrote me a note and she mispelled three words in a single sentence. because, one of the things that i really like in a woman is intelligence. yep, i said it, i like the smart ones. one of the few things i retained from high school is how important it was to speak well. i think no matter how smart you are, if you speak poorly, or can't spell, you look the worse for it.

so...fast forward to this last month. i was online shopping for jeans. i am on the tall side, so i was looking for a 34" inseam. i found the perfect pair. clicked on them. and into the shopping cart it went. but i wasn't ready to buy just yet. so in the shopping cart i left them. i returned online a week later only to find them gone from my shopping cart. someone else, evidently, was ready to pay for that pair before i was. and they had no more in my size. too bad for me, i guess.

so i thought i'd e-mail the company just to check. i asked them to scour the earth (or... check the back) just to make sure they didn't have a 34" inseam in the pair i wanted. they responded to my inquiry with a simple question...what size jeans was i looking for? silly me. so i sent a note back. one that featured a simple spelling mistake. but a mistake that nonetheless made me feel both dumb, and so incredibly sorry to that nice girl i oh-so-long-ago broke up with for such a petty reason. i told them, thru the wonders of that crazy magical device that is my blackberry...that i wanted a 32" waste. not waist, of course. but waste.

all of a sudden i feel like a 32" waste.

and i still remember her name. kristin. i should say hi to her via facebook. she deserved better than that. and maybe i need to lighten up a bit. just thought you guys should get a peek into my shame. funny how something so insignificant can bring back old memories. 

[lampie1970]

Funny you should mention.....I, too, am a stickler about spelling...and grammar. Bad spelling, grammar, diction drives me NUTS!! But do I spell things incorrectly sometimes? yes...do i use bad grammar: yes (sometimes even on purpose!!) and diction, well...i do say "y'all"....I really try to let it go most of the time. People are people.

I had a similar situation in that my fiancee at 19 was a horrible speller, and it did make me think twice. Ultimately though it was the drugs that killed that NOT bad spelling...but it gave me pause.

For your case Chris? I would say: there endeth the lesson. You learned from it. That'a all we can do on a daily basis: learn from our mistakes and try not to repeat them.

[2 of 3]

  This coming from 2 people who can't even spell coloUr correctly. 


Yeah chris, I like smart girls too. That really is a bad thing in my case, as they are smart enough to stay away from me. 

[Kylenz]

I am open-minded and will respect anyone regardless of their education or background, but when the respect isn't returned that's when I grind my gears.

I remember being on the phone to my ex after a barrage of nagging and value judgements, and I snapped. I told her that she didn't even know where Beijing was on the map even though the Olympics were on at the time and that we can't have intelligent conversations, it's all just pointless silly cr*p, and that we can't be together if she's just going to keep bringing me down yet she can't even string a decent sentence together.

I felt really really low and guilty about that, especially considering she was carrying my baby. At that stage I'd had enough and wasn't thinking straight. She'd pushed me to my limits of tolerance (and I usually have a high level of tolerance before I blow my top). Still, that's no excuse for me bringing her down over the phone.

And even through all the hell she put me through, the nasty emails, the crackpot letters in the mailbox, the stalking on facebook, the idiotic juvenile texting, the heartless accusations and telling me how I should feel. She wanted to take all my musical instruments away. The only thing that gave me some (already frail) sense of self esteem.  I still regret that phone call. I won't go into detail but she brought me down with some rather harsh stuff and very tactless about it - things she could've approached me nicely if she truly loved me. The truth was she didn't.. so she pushed me away with one horrible thing after another that I had to change about myself, until I just couldn't take it anymore.

I think the karma for that phone call still comes to me every day. Not one day goes by when I think of how I could've acted differently and maybe we would be happily married with a lovely daughter to bring up. The reality is, she became a vile bitch with no heart or understanding. Maybe I'll get more karma for saying just that. I don't know, it's going to punish me forever anyway.

[chris]

Thanks, kyle, for posting such an honest and revealing story. I think that's one of the things that make this site different. We can be ourselves. We can be honest. We are self depreciating. We are real.

I've read nearly every one of us post something that makes us look...unflattering. But maybe life can be unflattering sometimes. Matter of fact I know it is.

Thanks for letting me be a part of it all, guys. It's comforting, somehow.

[2 of 3]

Oddly enough, it's a bit comforting to know that in some way we are all a bit damaged. I know that sounds kinda silly...but empathy pops up and does it's thing when you can relate.  I can't imagine going through life  being totally oblivious to someone's else's troubles.

[mervap]

Funny, isn't it, how hindsight can improve one's insight...

Misplaced apostrophes are my peeve of choice when it comes to verbage, although spelling runs a close second. Spell-check is helping the world produce loads of spelling and punctuation challenged people.

Looking back, I could cite myself for dozens of incidents for which bad karma is overdue, but none of them involve dating...well, maybe one, kinda. I took a nice young lady to my senior prom...I felt incredibly lucky to have landed a date with this girl. I felt like she was way beyond my 'station', my being a band geek...after we got there, it seemed as if I were right: She wasted little time in leaving me behind to go group up with her friends. I sat alone at a table for almost 45 minutes before I saw her again...I felt like such a stooge, but I didn't let on how upset I was. She all but refused to go on my 'Senior Walk" and I relented...the rest of the date went ok, but I felt like maybe we didn't have very much in common. I took her home and gave her a quick peck on the cheek, expecting for that to be the end of it.

The next day she called me and apologized for both of the infractions and asked if we could go out again, so I agreed. Now, karma has proven to be a stern taskmaster for her: We've been married for almost 25 years!

[2 of 3]

Anyone who has read my posts or chatted with me, will know that my spelling and grammar lies somewhere between Norm Crosby and Koko the gorilla.

What a bunch of babies! 

[oldasSoul]

Good observation, 2/3, about spelling. Clearly you're a neighboUr of mine!

Not to be overly pedantic, but Chris, I believe you mean "self deprecating" as opposed to "depreciating." There are days when I think back on some of the girls I've known and how I treated them and feel very depreciated. More or less made amends with one of them, but that's a drop in the bucket, really.

Mervap, loved your story! Sounds like the plot of a Hollywood rom-com, but these things really do happen.

[2 of 3]

I believe you mean "self deprecating" as opposed to "depreciating."

Hey, I missed that..or did I? Maybe that's what triggered my Norm Crosby comment. 

[chris]

Chris, I believe you mean "self deprecating" as opposed to "depreciating."

yeah, you're right. thank you. you would have thought i would be more careful about something like that in a thread like this.

must have been all those accounting classes i took so long ago.

i really depreciate your correction.