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lampie1970
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« on: December 19, 2011, 09:22:35 PM » |
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Wow. I have had a crazy kind of year. All of my siblings have been in the hospital with extended stays with life threatening illnesses. I myself had to go to the ER about a month or so ago. I changed jobs. My brother and his family have lived with me now for about 8 months. I am trying to lose weight to get ready for a total knee replacement hopefully sometime in 2012. Why do i mention all this? cause i am stressed out. I read a lot about inner peace and expelling inner demons - not in a religious or spiritual sense, but in a plain ol human one. You guys may or may not know this, but i suffer from severe panic attacks. It has been going on since i was about 27 or 28. People who do not have them can never begin to understand and people that do just do the "nod" and the "oooooh yeah". People kind of look at you weird when you tell them about panic attacks, because they think it must be tied to intelligence or capableness, or some other quantifiable attribute you have or don't have that must be the cause. Not true. They are chemical. Basically a big ol dump of adrenaline into your body triggering a "fight or flight". and no, they don't make sense, the reason you panic almost never makes sense and if you just allow yourself to think through the trigger, you will find that whatever it is, would not, could not happen.
The way i have learn to cope, is to constantly bombard my brain with activities so that i do not even have time to think inward and think negative. Which means i am surfing the net, playing games, watching tv, listening to music, and maybe doing a crossword puzzle all at the same time. This is one of my biggest fault. Maybe my biggest. What this behavior does, is make everything i do half-assed, and frustrates people who try to have meaningful conversations with me because i am doing 5 other things at the same time. I hear what they say (or type), but im not "listening". Until later, of course, when i completely rewind my day and stress over what i should have done differently.
Which brings me here. I have decided to make a concerted effort to change. I have started what I will call my peace project. I am going to try to make small changes in my life to reduce the stress, be more present, and peaceful. Hopefully, it will lead me to less panic too...
My first modification (ppm #1) is to put my debit card back in my wallet after every use. Sounds silly i know, but if you ever have seen me digging through my entire purse at checkout or register, you will know how stressful it is to me. i am hoping, starting small will lead me down the path...and an object in motion tends to stay in motion. I expect great things in 2012...not at all like the sucky 2011 ;)
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